Writers Block

Assigned Reading

2003-09-05T18:52:00.000-07:00

Okay. I've got my list of books that I need for my classes. I'm taking a total of 13 credit hours for my first semester (a lighter load so I don't burn myself out and because ALL my classes are writing intensive--so I'm gonna be writing like a madman). Two of those credit hours are devoted to a special program in the Fiction Writing department that gives me two hours one on one with a tutor to discuss, critique, and improve my writing. Then there's Fiction Writing I. The first of the core workshop classes in the program. I'm also taking one of the four general ed classes that my transfer credits didn't cover--English Composition II. So, more writing, just not fiction. Then there's my specialty writing class--Writing Popular Fiction, taught by author Patricia Pinianski, who writes as Patricia Rosemoor. I'm very excited about this one.

Here's a list of some of the books I'll be reading for class:

Fiction Writing I: Best Short Stories of the Modern Age (there's some good one's in this anthology); The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison; Writing From Start to Finish by John Schultz (the founder of Columbia's Fiction Writing Department); and Hair Trigger 25 (the annual anthology of student work put out by the department).

Writing Popular Fiction: A Darkness More Than Night by Michael Connelly; The Horse Whisperer by Nicholas Evans; Killing Frost by Michael A. Black; Lunatic Café by Laurell K. Hamilton; Skyward by Mary Alice Monroe; Storm Front by Jim Butcher; Two For the Dough by Janet Evanovich; and Welcome to Temptation by Jennifer Crusie.

The books listed for the Popular Fiction class are all labeled "optional," so I imagine we'll get to take our pick out of those to read over the course of the class. I don't think we'll have to read them all. So if anyone has read any of these and would like to make a recommendation, feel free. I'm sure I'll read the Connelly and the Michael Black novels since they're both crime novels and I've read and liked Connelly before. I've also read books by Hamilton and Evanovich. What gets me is I'm actually going to receive college credit toward a degree for reading books I probably would have read anyway. And writing, too.

So this is the first glimpse into what the classes will really be like. I've got less than three weeks before I sit in the classroom, so expect an excited and long blog on September 24th.

Revision Revisited

2003-09-04T18:53:00.000-07:00

Started doing a read through of the second draft of "Light and Shadow" last night. Didn't get very far 'cause I was dog tired. I think I'm still recovering from the eventful last weekend (a weekend which started on Wednesday and ended on Monday). Some of the writing is has more clunk than I like, but that's nothing a final polish won't fix. That's not my concern right now. My concern is to fix the broken storyline, which has my character doing things a little too over the top. I can reign this puppy in, though, and really have a good story on my hands. There's some technical/research stuff about paints and stuff that Beth caught for me too. So I'll have to go through and fix all that, too. No big deal. If I get to it tonight, I should have the read-through and note-taking done. Tomorrow I can start making the major fixes. If it works, then I'll move onto the polish and get this story out the door.

Mawidge is what bwings us togedder

2003-09-03T18:53:00.000-07:00

I start school exactly three weeks from today. I'm chomping at the bit here.

So my brother's married now. He's currently spending the week in Maui for his honeymoon. Lucky dog. Marriage is the question of the hour (or month, or year). To marry, or not to marry--there's the rub. Actually, this isn't my question. This is the question of those million or so ladies at the reception that kept asking if I was next, or assuring me that it was now my turn. Of course, Beth stood up in the wedding opposite me and she was a beautiful sight, so I suppose the question made some sense. I'm getting a tiny bit sick of hearing it, though. I think it's the assumption that bothers me. They have no idea what state my relationship is in. No clue as to my personal beliefs, priorities, or intentions. Yet they assume I'm getting married. I'm not even engaged.

Now before I make it sound like I don't love Beth a great deal and the thought of marriage never crosses my mind, I'm going to stop ranting here. This is not the place to go on about my relationship and its future. This is Rob's Writing Pains, not Rob's Relationship Pains. Such a blog would involve so serious an investment of time that breathing would have to go into my schedule in pencil.

Anyway, yea! for Dave and Lisa. And yea for homemade canolli and éclairs--and some damn good wedding cake too. (Did I blow the diet? With glee.)

One of these days, maybe I'll have some writing news for ya. Until then...

'Nuf said.

Three Points for Hanging in There

2003-08-23T18:57:00.000-07:00

Dang, am I glad I didn't give up on that short story. Did around 1200 words of it today after going over and editing what I did yesterday and I really like this little story now. It's taking off. Note to self: Never decide a story's fate after a bad day.

And the stuff I did yesterday isn't nearly as horrible as I thought. Why does the mind play tricks like that? How can something I wrote thinking the whole time I wrote it that it was terrible turn out to be pretty good stuff? I am mystified. Not only that, the material I thought was a major digression and would end up making this story go on forever ended up tying in perfectly with the following scene and now it looks like this piece will remain a short story.

Reading News: Started reading Holly Lisle's Memory of Fire last night. Wow. That sucker moves. Likable characters, lots of action. I have a feeling I'll be raving about this one. Oh, um, does this already qualify?

I love good books.

Revison

2003-08-21T18:36:00.000-07:00

Since my revision attempts at the novel crashed, I picked up an old first draft of a short story (a 54 page "short" story) to try to practice my revising muscles on. I ended up with a pretty nice second draft that I let Beth read. She pegged the things that were wrong with it (things about character motivation that I'd suspected all along). But after some initial frustration, we also discussed what was right with the story. And now I'm seeing ways of making a third draft that could work really well--not to mention bringing the thing down to a reasonable size; the second draft was still 39 pages long. So all is not lost. There are things I like very much about this story. It's worth trying to save.

Orientation Day

2003-08-07T18:34:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I had my new student orientation at Columbia College. Unlike my experience with this sort of thing in the past, this orientation was mercifully lacking in cheesiness, and instead was fused with solid information about the school and my department in particular. To top it off, I won a $25 gift certificate for the school's bookstore.

An important part of the orientation was registration. I managed to snag all the classes I wanted and somehow shoved them into two days. Now I can work the other three days of the week and still have weekends to read, write, read, write, write, and sleep write. I could call all that writing/reading "homework," but that makes it sound less fun.

I now have a Columbia College student ID with a picture that actually turned out quite nicely. In fact, the only negative from today is an ongoing screw-up with my financial aid. (Who's surprised?) But I know all my paperwork is in order, so it's just a matter of beating those dolts over the head enough times until they fix their mistake.

Now only 46 more days until the start of the semester. Seems like forever.

Take this rewrite and shove it

2003-08-04T18:34:00.000-07:00

I've started on the rewrite again (finally), but I'm not feeling too confident. I'd forgotten how much work I have ahead of me. The thing is such a mess. I don't know how I let that go on. I'm looking at a whole load of new material to insert and some major overhauling on much of what I have. I'm a mere 150 pages into this 511-page beast and I feel like I should scrap the next 350 pages and start over. Uh. No. That's not what I want, either.

I've said it before and I'll say it again--I hate rewriting. I just can't stand it. This, more than anything else, may be the largest obstacle between me and publication. I want to write new stories. I do not--much as I like it--want to rehash this one. But it isn't just that. I feel so lost when I look at parts of this story. Plot holes stare vacuously at me, so wide I get washed with vertigo just looking at them. Names get muddled in my head. Ideas for fixes get tangled in the stories existing threads, pulling other parts out of whack. It all gets so frustrating that I freeze. And then, on top of it all, I realize I need to write new scenes that'll probably need rewriting themselves.

I better stop before I scream. Don't want to startle the neighbors.

Anyway, that's my rant for tonight. Rewriting sucks. I don't care what they say, there's nothing fun about it.

'Nuf said.

I'm here, but not here

2003-07-22T19:17:00.000-07:00

Sort of in limbo, though I've finally got the office set up. If all goes well, I can get back to The Rewrite shortly. School is going to keep me very busy. I'm going to be doing a hell of a lot of writing there (a good thing, of course). But it's all going to be new stuff. So I have to have this rewrite done before then. Had an interview for a job today that looks promising. So, just as the very last pennies trickle out of my bank account, I might be able to settle down and stop worrying about how I'm going to survive the next two months before school starts.

I cannot wait to start school. I've had some contact with faculty members (including the department chair) and the more I learn about the program the more excited I become. I hope the program lives up to my expectations. Heh.

I'm thinking of revamping the weblog to include a focus on my schooling when it starts. If it's everything it's cracked up to be I'd like to give my fellow writers a peek into Columbia's writing program.

Should hear about the job by the end of the week. Wish me luck.

'Nuf said.

In Chicago

2003-06-24T18:56:00.000-07:00

Made it in late Saturday night after a long drive. But the drive went very smoothly. We still have a lot of unpacking and organizing to do, but we're getting there. Today we pick up our new bed. Say good-bye to the air mattress. Hopefully things will calm down soon and we can really explore the city. Have only gotten glimpses so far.

Until next time...

Making the Transition

2003-06-13T19:09:00.000-07:00

Okay. I'm going to slip out of cyber-existence for a while now while I finish getting ready for the move. The next time I blog here I'll be in Chicago. Wish me luck. See you in Central Time.

Chicago Countdown -- 6.5 days

2003-06-12T19:10:00.000-07:00

It's still early, so I'm counting today. Sorry it's been so long for an update. As you can imagine, I've been very busy packing up my entire life for the move across the country. Though I did try to post an entry the other day, but Blogger ate it. Excuses, excuses.

Anyway, what I tried to say in my chewed-up entry is that I managed to snag a personal loan to fill the huge gap between what financial aid has given me and the actual cost of going to a private arts college like Columbia. Once again having some of the best friends in the world helped make this possible. I'm going to miss them when we move, but they're a good excuse to drag Beth back to California every once in a while. And since they're buying our Futon from us, we'll even have a place to sleep. Not to mention that in five years they plan on moving to Hawaii. Everybody should have friends in Hawaii with a comfy couch to sleep on.

So...yes! I'm starting school in the fall. Things are working out. Still some obstacles ahead (like finding a summer job in Chicago), but I'll deal with those when I get to them. And hopefully, before too long, I'll get back to The Rewrite.

Chicago Countdown -- 13 days

2003-06-05T18:37:00.000-07:00

You might be wondering if that is a typo, or if you've just stepped into a timewarp. Neither is the case, I assure you. We've just bumped up the move a couple days. We're now leaving on the 19th instead of the 21st. Exactly 2 weeks from today we'll be on the road to Chicago. As far as whether school is at the end of that road for me is still in question. Be sure, I'll let you know. You're in for either a very, very sad, pissed, depressed blog entry...or a mad, manic, flood of happy words. That'd be a nice change, huh?

Countdown to Chicago -- 19 Days

2003-06-02T18:38:00.000-07:00

Not much blogging because there's not much time. Life is crazy, depressing, scary, and exciting all at once. Depressing mostly because I'm not getting enough financial aid to cover the cost of tuition, and I can't seem to snag a personal loan and no one can co-sign for me. Beth, an admissions counselor at a private arts college not unlike Columbia, has taken to harassing Columbia's financial aid department on my behalf. I'm supposed to be getting a lot more, according to the government, than they are giving me. When Beth asked to talk to the person in charge, she got voicemail. Hmmm.

The chance exists, after all this, that I might not be able to start school in the fall. Yet the move must go on. Needless to say, I'm grumpy about this. I mean, if I'm going to move back to the snow, I at least want a good reason to do it. Beyond that, I'm leaving a comfortable job and the last threads of financial security I'd managed to tie together thanks to a generous friend. Going to school was supposed to be my "job." No school = unemployed. Granted, I can probably find an equally mindless job as the one I have, but probably not one as flexible or casual. And I'd had myself all set for moving on, not just moving to the same shit in a different state.

I'm not done for yet, though. I have a very small cache of options left. Desperate measures, all of them. But desperate times...

Can't sleep

2003-05-28T18:36:00.000-07:00

This has become increasingly common of late. Lots on my mind. To mix things up, got my financial aid award letter today in the mail. Let's just say it wasn't pretty. I'm too depressed to say much else. Going to try and work something out tomorrow. We're locked into moving. If it turns out I can't start school in the Fall... Don't even want to think about it.

Wish me luck.

Chicago

2003-05-18T19:04:00.000-07:00

Well, I knew if it were going to happen it would happen suddenly, out of the blue. I was right. We found an apartment in Chicago. We're moving next month, June 20th. Almost a month exactly from today. Boom. Just like that. We're excited, scared, relieved. A whole mix of emotions.

Almost four years ago we moved to Los Angeles searching for a new life, a beginning to great things. We suffered a great deal of bad luck, and while Beth managed to graduate from art school, we still had to struggle. The dreams I had coming here atrophied like unused muscles, too boxed in by constant worry and doubt. Today those dreams have been let out of the box. They're hobbling, crawling, mewling at the sudden rush of sunlight.

Now we're moving again, back toward where we came from, searching for a new life, a fresh beginning. This is our second chance. I refuse to fail. In three years or less I will have my degree. Soon you will find my name (or pseudonym) on the bookshelves of your local bookseller. I may go on to get my MFA right away, or might wait a year or two. Depends. However, it won't be long until my dreams have healed, up and dancing--cha-cha, tango, Charleston...maybe even a kick line.

See you in dreamland.

Am I Sick?

2003-05-13T18:46:00.000-07:00

I felt like I was coming down with something. Had a sore throat last night, and while I feel like an over-boiled noodle today, the sore throat is gone. Have I managed to sneak by this one? Hope so. The last thing I need right now is to get sick.

Today I read W. Somerset Maugham's short story "Honolulu" and got quite a kick out of it. I recommend it to you if you haven't read it.

Taking Time Off

2003-05-12T18:47:00.000-07:00

As much as I hate to do this, I think I might be setting aside the novel until school gets out. I'm afraid if I don't, I'll continue to slack off and I've gone through too much crap to get these classes to let my grades go down the tubes. Now, I'm not sure I'll actually stop working on the book completely. I'll probably pick at it when time permits. Still, I know myself too well. Unless I put it aside for now, the book will take over. It's more important to me than fulfilling a couple general-ed requirements. My earlier forays into college suffered for the same reason.

It's only about three more weeks, though. Not long at all. I still think I can finish the rewrite before the end of June. Very early July at the latest.

This also means I won't have much to blog about, but I'm sure I'll stop in every once in a while to whine about my lack of writing. (This is assuming I can actually separate myself from the book.) Anyway, wish me luck.

Somewhat Steady Progress

2003-05-10T19:07:00.000-07:00

I finally seem to be making steady progress on the rewrite. I've tried to come up with a weekly goal that isn't too demanding, but will insure I actually get somewhere with this thing. As things stand, I'm pretty sure I'll be done by the end of June, though. Fingers crossed.

End of Semester Blues

2003-05-08T19:08:00.000-07:00

As the end of the semester slowly nears (and I do mean slowly), I find myself slipping behind in my school work. Nothing serious; not yet at least. But I just want to be done with this. I'm getting cranky because the classes seem so pointless. I'm already accepted to the school I really want to go to. Why bother with these, right? Except that I paid for them, and the credits will transfer, and that means two less general education classes I'll ever have to take again...ever. Still, it's hard to keep things in perspective when I've got this dang rewrite calling me, meanwhile the rest of my world seems to be falling down around me like I'm freakin Chicken Little or something. But that's all old news.

I'm still debating about what to write next. The novel I assumed I'd write just doesn't grab me anymore. When I conceived the idea, long before I wrote my current WIP, it felt fresh and meaningful. Now it feels flat and shallow. Might be I learned something from the current WIP that makes that last idea obsolete. I've tried rearranging the pieces of the old idea, but nothing's pinching me in the ass, saying, "Oh, oh, you gotta write that!" I might just have to lay that one to rest. But if I do, I'm going to have to pirate the title I have for it. I like it way too much. So the trick might be to come up with some other idea that still fits the title. Hmmmm.

Creepy

2003-05-05T19:08:00.000-07:00

Creeped myself out with the writing this weekend. I wrote yet another new scene that I really like and that better fleshes out my bad guy, I think. I have to admit, though I'm writing more new stuff on this revision than I'd like (I just want to be done), it's turning out really well. The first 100 pages or so are revised and humming along. Everything's a lot stronger now--I hope. I also posted my revisions on the BN board. I really wish I had more time to write, though. Ah, well. Slowly but surely, the book will get done.

In other news, I recieved a letter telling me I've been accepted to Columbia College Chicago. Getting accepted to the college, however, was the easy part. Getting enough financial aid, finding a new apartment, packing everything up, and moving across the country. That's the hard part. We'll see what happens.

Another Year Older

2003-04-22T18:54:00.000-07:00

Yes. Tomorrow is my 27th birthday. Tomorrow another year passes and (WARNING: the rest of this blog is probably going to be depressing) I still haven't much to show for my time on this earth. I must admit that I'm working--however slowly and not-so-surely--on a novel I truly believe in and hope will take me far. But as I tick off the years, it gets harder and harder to let them pass without feeling the clammy hand of failure resting on the back of my neck. I made a decision many years ago (I can say that now) that I wanted to be a writer, and that was the only thing I could do with my life, be damned the odds. I made a commitment, shucking off a chance at a college education (though I dabbled), taking on a string of shitty-ass jobs (that's the technical term), and squeezing in my writing, doing everything I could to learn the craft. I have to say, I've learned a lot. And not just about writing. But I also learned that my narrow-mindedness led me to make some needlessly reckless decisions. Ah, the brashness of youth (someone get me my damn cane). Now I'm trying to make up for lost time. But as Ben "Tenor" Wayland's mother told him in my novel, Crystal Past, "There is no making up for lost time." Lost time is the one thing no one can find. Once it's gone, it's gone. So I'm trying to pick up where I left off. Maybe that's a better way of putting it. I'm going back to school. I just applied to a pretty hip private arts college in Chicago. If I get in, I'm not sure I'll be able to afford it, but I'm done with the junior college scene as of this semester, so it's either upgrade to a real college, or quit all together.

I've got the writing though. And I'm getting closer. But I always imagined I'd make it long before 27. Now I'm just hoping to make it by the time I'm 30. An age I shudder to think about. In my mind I'm still 18, only I can buy liquor and rent cars. Ah. It's good to be 18.

A Good Day to Write

2003-04-16T19:05:00.000-07:00

Writing went very well today. Wrote most of a new scene to replace an old one. Feels so good to be writing again. I hope I don't loose this once spring break is over and I start back at school. But I took care to refine my writing schedule to work around school. I just have to make sure I keep up with all my homework. As of right now I'm an all A student and would like to keep it that way, though school's been boring me big time and making me cranky when it keeps me from my writing. Only two more months to go. I can do it.

Still Here

2003-04-01T18:54:00.000-08:00

But time has been so short lately I haven't had much of a chance to write here. The rewrite isn't going very well. I just don't have as much time to work on it as I'd like and I feel like I'm barely making any progress. I'm going to try to increase my writing time during the weekends to make up for the lag. Hopefully I can make it work. I need to finish this novel.

I've thought seriously about putting this weblog to rest. But I've decided to let it be. I just won't be posting as often. I would like to post some good news here for a change, so I'll keep the blog going for that.

For anyone considering starting to write a novel or screenplay, I suggest checking out this article by Thomas B. Sawyer http://www.writersstore.com/article.php?articles_id=105. It's good advice.

Revision

2003-03-24T19:07:00.000-08:00

Dipped my big toe into the revision today, testing the waters. I've got a lot of changes to enter from my mark-up, but I finally started today. Not much, but now that I'm set up, I should start getting more and more work done. It's nice to have a post about actual writing up here again.

Good People: In case anyone hasn't noticed, at times I can be a rather pessimistic fellow. I tend to stick by the old joke that I'm not really a pessimist, but rather a realist. However, my "realistic" point-of-view recently took a huge, crashing blow that has me rethinking a lot of crusty, old opinions. Life's been hard on me lately, but someone very special out there took notice and did something for me far beyond the call of friendship. I'm still marveling at the generosity this person has shown me and often ask myself, "Why me? How do I deserve this?" That's the point, though. It isn't a question of self-worth, it's a question of faith in people--faith that despite the anger and hate and ignorance you see on a constant basis (and believe me, living in Los Angeles I see a lot of this crap, never mind the horrible driving) there are good people out there who do good things, not to get something in return, not to win over your vote or your loyalty, not even to gratify their own ego. These Good People do good things simply because they're good people. I wish we had more of them. I wish we could gather them all up and form a country, isolated from the rest of the world. But that wouldn't be fair, I guess, because everybody deserves to be touched by the magic of these Good People. Besides, having them among the rest of us normal folks could lead to our aspiring to be more like them. I know I'd like to join the ranks of the Good People.

It's Started

2003-03-19T19:18:00.000-08:00

We're at war, again. Can't really think of anything to say. I hope we're not seriously fucking up here.

Good luck to our troops and to the civilians.

Pass One Complete

2003-03-16T19:18:00.000-08:00

I've gone all the way through the manuscript and marked it all up. I've chopped a bunch of stuff and made notes for new material. I think I even made some sense out of a really twisted section toward the end, though in that section I cut 50 pages worth of material that will have to be rewritten from scratch. I have a lot more "from scratch" to do than I like, but that's what I get for letting some plot ends dangle instead of cleaning them up during the outline stage. Anyway, the next step is to trudge through the script once more, entering changes and writing new stuff. Then I have every intention of doing a final polish after that before letting the book be read. I'm still hoping I can finish all this before my birthday in April, but we'll see. I've got about five weeks. I should be able to get all the changes entered, but the final polish might not make it. Especially since I'm probably going to want to take a little time off (a week if I can hold off that long) before doing the polish.

Wish me luck. Now it gets really hard.

Blind

2003-03-12T19:05:00.000-08:00

So I've got this eye-ointment (cost me $85) that I have to put into my eye three times a day and that blurs my vision in a major way for the first 30 minutes after I put it in. It's frustrating, messy (this goop oozes steadily over the edges of my eyes and into my eyelashes) and I'm not even sure it's working. That's just an update on that whole mess.

Writing is going okay. I'm about to sit down and continue my manuscript mark-up in a bit. Yesterday I took my first test in Psychology (a joke of a class if ever there was one) and think I did quite well. No class on Thursday, so I'm very happy about that. Might even be able to squeeze in some writing if I can get my other homework done.

I have to balance my checkbook today. I think I might be in the negative numbers and my car needs gas (which is over $2 a gallon here in sunny California) in order to get to work. I guess I'm finally living up to the starving artist image. Whoopee for me, huh? All good motivation for me to finish this damn novel, though.

Still haven't heard from Ellery Queen about the story I sent them. Every once in a while I delude myself into thinking they might buy the story and that'll be the tiny ray of sunlight during these glum days of late. Anything's possible, right?

Chugging Along

2003-03-10T19:06:00.000-08:00

While I haven't made too many entries in here, I have been working on the book despite all my previously mentioned problems. Though I had to cut back on the amount of writing time I can spend each day. Still, at least I'm getting work done. The last chunk has been pretty smooth, too. I've finally reached the point in the draft where I decided to change some major aspects of the story, so I don't have to fiddle with that anymore, since everything from here on out should reflect that decision. And some of these scenes are really tight, not needing much revision. Some are even pretty powerful, even if I do say so myself.

I'm on page 358 now, marking up the 'script and making notes in my notebook. Almost there, but then this is only the first stage. Next I'm going to have to incorperate all my notes into a readable draft. After this I plan on going through it one more time, doing a heavy polish and search for little things I've missed, before handing it over to my first reader--Beth. I'm anxious to have someone read it. I still can't tell if the thing is any good. It certainly isn't your typical "serial killer thriller." I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad, though. It might be too atypical. If anything, though, I've learned so much from the writing of this book. The way I go about writing will never be the same.

Getting Complicated

2003-03-01T18:43:00.000-08:00

The revision is getting messy, folks. I'm in there slicing away, then muddling through scenes, trying to decide how to fit some information in earlier without throwing off the whole timescale. Still, I'm slowly making progress through the manuscript, marking the hell out of the thing while collecting notes in my notebook. But I'll tell ya, if I can somehow pull all these notes together and come up with a coherent novel, it could be considered a miracle. At least, that's how it feels right now in the thick of it.

Merging, Slicing, Shaping

2003-02-26T18:43:00.000-08:00

I'm getting into the revision flow. Made a ton of notes on how to merge several scenes in the beginning, tightening things up. Also shaped up some messy, messy first draft floundering, though I'm going to have a lot of work ahead of me when I start typing in the changes and writing new sceneage (my made-up word). But the story's tightening up. I can see it happening before my eyes and it's really cool. I'm not nearly as horrified with my writing as I thought I was going to be before I started the rewriting. Parts of it are messy, but I feel like I'm doing a good job of marshalling everything into some sort of order. And the changes I decided to make toward the second half of the first draft I'm glad for as now that I'm incorporating those changes into the beginning everything is pulling together more tightly, thickening the drama, etc.

I may actually have a damn good novel on my hands here.

School Day

2003-02-25T18:44:00.000-08:00

No revisons today because of school and work and homework. Basically, Tuesdays and Thursdays are non-writing days. Very frustrating, as my mind continues to fiddle with the book all day long and I can't sit down and sate the urge to work on it. If ever there's a time where I get obsessive about my writing, it's during the revision stage. I absolutely can't stand knowing there's all these things wrong with the book that need fixing. I must fix them...NOW. Tomorrow I'll get a couple hours in. Then nothing on Thursday. But then it's three days straight. I'm going to try to put in some extra time over the weekend, and maybe even after class on Friday. I don't think there's any good movies coming out this weekend anyway.

Draft Two Begun

2003-02-24T18:45:00.001-08:00

Yesterday I started in on the second draft of The Novel. What a relief to finally have started. I didn't get very far, but that's because the revisions are heavy. The story evolved a lot in the writing, and the beginning doesn't make much sense with those changes. This meant practically rewriting from scratch the first scene. I'm still not even done with it. I hit a point last night where I could no longer salvage anything from the scene and had started writing completely new scene on the back of the page. I think there's some stuff toward the end of the scene I can salvage, though. We'll see. The next scene, I know for a fact, is completely unusable now, so I'm not going to even bother with it much, except to draw big Xs across the pages.

But I'm excited now. Starting, for me, is always the hardest part of any project (writing or otherwise). But Once I get over that hump, things get a little easier. Slowly, I find myself enjoying the rewriting process. Though I still wish I could do less of it. I still wish rewriting was nothing more than a little spit and polish before sending off the manuscript to get published. Alas, I'm just not that good of a writer. Which means my only hope is in rewriting.

Clumsy Me

2003-02-24T18:45:00.000-08:00

Did more rewriting this morning. Made considerably more progress than yesterday, but I still feel awkward in this process. I make a bunch of changes, then realize I forgot something and have to go back and make some more changes. I run out of room on the page while madly scribbling entire new sections to scenes. I realize I need some sort of new scene tucked in toward the beginning, though I'm not sure which scene. But then I get so caught up in the work that I look up and see I've gone 20 minutes over my writing time and need to get going and get ready for work. I feel like a klutz when rewriting. Yet, while I'm stumbling through the words I occasionally see glimpses of something good. The self-doubt still lingers, though. I just keep telling myself it's okay, I'm done making mistakes--I'm fixing them now.

Something to Check Out

2003-02-14T19:00:00.000-08:00

I ran across the weblog of Charles Deemer http://cdeemer.blogspot.com/ --screenwriter, teacher, and author of one of the coolest writing "books" around. The book is Screenwright: The Craft of Screenwriting, and it's a hypertext book. Not an e-book. But something all together original and a perfect format for what Deemer's attempting in the book. It's set up like a website, only you don't have to be online to run it. But there's hyperlinks leading through different paths of the book so that you pretty much make your own way through the course, learning based on your own tendencies as a writer. Actually, I'm doing a terrible job of describing it. But you should check out the software (even if not writing scripts--a lot can be applied to novel writing too) http://www.pcez.com/~cdeemer/index.htm.

As for me: This morning I'm doing some more research in preparation for the rewrite of The Novel.

Printed and Prepping

2003-02-12T19:02:00.000-08:00

Printed out The Novel last night. Looks huge to me. It will be time to rewrite soon. I'm both nervous and excited. I keep telling myself anything that sucks can be changed. I do know there's some stuff that doesn't suck, but has to be changed anyway because of some major alterations that came late in the writing. Pretty big changes if memory serves. Guess we'll see. I have written on my calendar that I would start rewrites about 6 weeks after I finished the first draft--give myself some distance on the thing. However, I think I'll probably start sooner than that. I wouldn't know what to do with myself for that long. What's worse--I'm afraid the longer I let it sit, the easier it will be to let it sit for good and move onto something else, thus perpetuation the vicious cycle of antirevisionitis that has plagued me since the day I started writing stories. I could bury you and a friend with all my first drafts that never made it to a second drafts.

kind of directionless

2003-02-11T19:03:00.000-08:00

Lots of changes and issues going on right now. Just trying to survive through the storm. School starts a week from today. Still don't know if my financial aid will come through.

On a writing note, I've been playing with a few things, doing some brainstorming, a little outlining. I may start work on another short story any day now. I've also started working up some notes for a screenplay I might do in the future, but that won't be for a while. I've got rewrites pending on The Novel, which I'll probably start once school gets underway and I can refigure my schedule to accomodate. My most recent finished short story, "My Brother's Keeper," which was rejected a while back my Alfred Hitchcock's Mystery Magazine is over at Ellery Queen's now, waiting in line for another form rejection.

And that's about all I can think to report at the moment.

Been In a Funk

2003-02-07T19:12:00.000-08:00

Still sorta there. Ever since finishing the novel I've felt kinda sluggish. And I've had some serious Real Life issues beating the hell out of me. Just thought I'd let the three people who actually read this blog know I'm still alive. I don't want to lose my devoted audience.

On a heavier note, I start school again on the 18th. I only managed to get two classes because everything else was filled. It is also probably the most inconvenient schedule I could come up with. I'll be very glad when the time comes I can transfer to a real school and get on with my life. Of course, the way finances are going and what-not...heh...this has nothing to do with writing, so I'm done whining now.

'Nuf said.

Researching Publishers

2003-01-30T18:51:00.000-08:00

Still chugging away at this. I have managed to find a few publishers that will accept unsolicited queries. And even one that will take unsolicited proposals. Insane, huh? I've also managed to find one agent that I really like (he reps two of my favorite writers), one agent that might be okay, and a third I'm still thinking about. I just hope my new and improved query gets a better response than the last one.

I wish I didn't care whether my books got published or not. This would make the whole writing thing much more enjoyable. Alas, I would like to see my books on the shelf at the local B&N; I would like people to actually read them.

Submission Blues

2003-01-29T18:51:00.000-08:00

This is the part I hate, the part that drives me insane, the part that makes me question why the hell I ever decided I wanted to try making writing my career. It's the submission process. Since I have the time while I let the first draft of Reach of Shadows cool off a bit, I decided to dive back into submitting my query for my novel Crystal Past. Now, I've already sent queries to a trunk-load of agents, and not one of them wanted to even read the manuscript or a partial. I'm told, repeatedly, that publishers don't accept unsolicited submissions from unagented writers. I don't always believe what I'm told so I went and checked this out myself. After all, I remember a day when you could submit to some publishers, and I had. I even got a request to see my manuscript from a kind editor over at St. Martins--which led nowhere, I might add.

But as I'm flipping through the utterly useless Novel & Short Story Writer's Market 2002 (I know, time to waste money on an update...NOT!) I noticed that all the publishers have indeed decided not to accept submissions from the common, unagented folk like me. I've spent all morning flipping through the book, reading Publisher's Weekly on-line, and looking at publishers' websites, and have nothing to show for it. I don't know where to begin, or even if there is a place to begin. I guess I could go back to submitting to agents, but something tells me I'd just be buying a bunch of $0.74 form rejection letters (not including cost of envelopes and paper). Why would an agent even bother requesting to see the manuscript of an unproven talent that's likely to garnish him a mere fifteen percent of a $3000 advance? Not that I don't think my query is intriguing.

So, yeah. I hate this part. No matter what troubles I come up against in the actual writing of a book, I'm usually having fun. There is nothing fun about the submission process though. It is a depressing exercise in futility, and is the only time I ever seriously think I should give up this racket all together.

Here it Comes

2003-01-28T18:52:00.000-08:00

This is why the title of my weblog is Rob's Writing Pains. Since finishing the first draft of the book this past Saturday, I've found myself obsessing over it as I often do over the things I write. I can't let it go. My mind skitters back and forth through the memories of writing this 513-page beast. I remember starting it, all the hope, the expectations, the certainty that I was writing something bigger, something powerful, something that might hurt to write, but when it was all done I'd know I'd pushed myself to the limit and created a damn good story. But I also remember the many, many days of writing and feeling nothing. I didn't particularly hate the work, but it wasn't blowing me away either. Now this is par for the course. You can’t spend four and a half months working on something and not have bland days. But what worries me isn't the trudge through the middle, but the last 100 pages or so where I remember pushing through, but not surprising myself, not exciting myself, and certainly not feeling the well of emotions I'd anticipated when I developed the premise for this novel. What am I getting at here? I guess I'm worried that I fell short of the mark, that what I've written isn't the extraordinary story I'd dreamed for it, but rather something bland, without emotion, stock--a lame imitation of the thrillers on the metal racks at the grocery store blazoned with authors' names you've never heard of before.

The whole point of this novel (started in Holly Lisle's Writing the Breakout Novel class) was to dig deeper, create a story that was more than just a good read. But I'm afraid when I typed "The End" I might have failed. I didn't feel the twist in my gut or the shiver of emotion I'd expected from finishing this novel. And the questions I had hoped to answer remain unanswered. Maybe this is just post-first draft blues. But I'm not so sure. My last novel took a lot of revising, but even after that first draft I knew I'd written something with heart--so to speak. There was even one scene that brought me near to tears. Can that kind of emotion be unearthed in a second draft? Or have I swung so far from the mark that what I have is unsalvageable? I don't know. I don't have enough experience to answer these questions. All I do know is that I'm not going to give up on it. I am going to revise this book; I am going to continue to dig deeper and raise the bar; I am going to see this through until the end. Then, if I still feel as though I've failed, at least I'll have gained the experience to take with me into the writing of the next book.

I am afraid I might have failed. But I’m not sure I can trust my memory either. Buried among the clutter of bad days I can recall days I believed in the work and realized I had things to say I had no conscious intention of saying in this book. I wonder if those memories will be waiting for me when I sit down and go back through the novel a second time?

I hope so.

2519 Words

2003-01-18T19:13:00.000-08:00

I was on a roll today, man. And some interesting mini-twists on the story came up that'll beef up some aspects of theme. And a ten year-old boy with nerves of steele and far too much guilt for any little boy to bear. Paul showing that he can be a very gentle father, even though he's pretending to be someone else's father. And he's about an inch away from learning who the killer is. I'll tackle that bit tomorrow. All in all, a damn good writing day. Off now to enjoy the rest of this sunny Saturday.

2045 and 2071 Words

2003-01-17T19:13:00.000-08:00

That's for yesterday and today. Today was tough. I came to the big trouble spot that I'd anticipated since planning the book, and sure enough I wasn't able to pull it off the way I wanted to. But I think I did okay with it. I'll probably want to change it when it comes time for the rewrite. If I don't change it, I'm definitely going to have to better plant it, because it's sort of out-of-the-blue as it stands now. But I'm through it, and for now that's all that counts. I'm so close to finishing this thing. I've got eleven more planned scenes to write and that's it. Some of those will be short scenes, too. Though the climax will probably run longer than most. I'll be glad when this one is done. It's taken a lot out of me. It's also gotten very messy. I need some time away from it because it's going to require some heavy rewriting. Ah, well. If anything, I've learned A LOT from writing this book. After this one, nothing I write will ever be the same.

It's Alive

2003-01-15T19:14:00.000-08:00

Thanks to a suggestion from one of Beth's carpool buddies, I managed to bring my computer back to life. Actually, it wasn't the computer that was the problem, it was a bum cord. Replaced the cord and I'm back in business. Though I did my writing on the laptop this morning, which wasn't too bad. 1663 words today. Would have gotten more but had to deal with some Real Life stuff that may help with my deteriorating financial situation. I'm not holding my breath though.

I had fun writing today, despite all the stress of late. I thought that was worth noting. Sometimes (a lot of times) we forget to have fun with our writing. We grow so serious about it, clench down, stress out. If that's what writing does to you, what's the point? So even though my "inner critic" was mouthing off at me ("Cops don't talk like that!" "You just repeated yourself again!" "Don't you think this scene's gone on long enough?") and even though at the time I still thought all on my hard drive was lost, and even though I'll be lucky if I can pay all my bills this month, I still had fun writing. I had FUN. I was reminded the other day of Ray Bradbury's book Zen in the Art of Writing. He talks about the "zest" and "gusto" of writing. He encourages the writer to lead with his passion, running so fast through the story that everything else (the critical mind, the day's troubles, whatever) is left behind. Heck, one of the chapters is titled "The Joy of Writing." If you haven't read this one and you feel like you've lost the fun in writing, pick up a copy. I think I'm going to reread mine soon.

Anyway, I'm afraid of heights so I'm going to step down from my soapbox now.

Happy writing. And have fun, damnit!

Computer is Dead

2003-01-14T19:14:00.000-08:00

Of all the bad things that have happened in the past couple months--from a fender-bender that's gonna cost me 500 bucks to fix, to not getting paid for the two weeks my workplace was closed over the holidays--this is probably the worst. My computer, sad to say, is my life-line. It's got all my writings on it, it holds my thousand and one dream worlds where I can escape the crap of my life for a little while and cling to some hope that I'll make it through these rocky times. Now, that is gone. For some reason when I press the ON button on my computer nothing happens. The thing's gone dead, completely dead. Now, I have my novel backed up on disk. And, lucky for me, my girlfriend has a laptop that she can let me borrow (which is where I'm writing this entry), but I've got a bunch of notes as well as short-stories and random musings on my hard drive that I can't access now. Yes, I'm stupid. Not everything is backed up on disk. I'm too poor to buy enough disks to back everything up, and too dumb to think that my computer could just up and die for no apparent reason one day. Needless to say, I'm feeling kind of queasy about the whole thing. I have some theories about the problem. The switch might just be shorted. This is probably fixable...for someone who has the money to get it fixed. Alas, I am not that person. (Remember the 500 bucks for the car repairs.) Never mind the money I was supposed to use for school this semester which has to go toward paying my car insurance (good thing I have that) because I didn't get paid for two weeks over the holidays. Am I complaining? Damn right. I usually like to keep this blog strictly for writing stuff, but I just had to blow some steam off, so you, Dear Blog Readers, are the unfortunate victims of my diatribe. Please forgive.

I think I've whined enough. Don't know how often this blog will be updated. Don't know how long it will be until I have my own working computer again. Don't know much about anything at the moment. My future has never been more uncertain.

'Nuf said.

1711 Words

2003-01-13T19:15:00.000-08:00

Took the weekend off to get some stuff done that was on hold for the two weeks we were away. Also spent some time having fun when we could. Saw a couple good movies. First off, Narc is probably the best crime movie to come along since Pulp Fiction, though it's a completely different kind of movie than Pulp--much more realistic. And it very well may be the best cop movie since...I dunno... Serpico? Go see it. Now! The other flick we saw was Adaptation. This movie made me like Nicolas Cage again--an actor I'd started to get sick of for his rather one-note performances. It's a clever and funny movie, and anyone who's ever spent some time in the world of screenwriting (professionally or as an amateur) will doubly appreciate this film. The running gag about Robert McKee and his writing seminar is especially funny.

As for the writing, as you can see by this entry's title, I've got another nice hunk of words done. I reread the last scene I did on Friday, too, and really liked what I did. I'm sort of awed, however, with how much I've changed this book since writing it. There's going to be a lot of revision going on. But I've kept pretty good notes on what I want and need to change, so that should make it easier. The scenes are getting shorter as the novel closes in on the climax, so as I suspected, writing this last section is continuing to pick up speed. I've increased my writing time a little bit and plan to maintain this schedule until the end of the book. I've estimated a finish in about two weeks. It might take a little bit longer, but I have a four-day weekend coming this weekend and three out of those four days to myself, so I might use that time to get in some more writing. Keep your fingers crossed I don't run into any more disasters between now and the end.

Progress is a Good Thing

2003-01-10T19:19:00.000-08:00

1544 words today. It looks like my reworking of the outline yesterday paid off in a big way. I also decided not to cut back right now, but made extensive notes on what I wanted to change in the last couple scenes to make my new stuff work, then continued on from where I left off. As it turns out, the scenes I wrote today are ripe with conflict, set up some very cool stuff, and will make the coming death of a character all the more painful (emotionally). In other words, I'm once again excited about the story and where it's headed, and I actually enjoyed today's writing stint. Some unexpected things happened, and what I had planned for just one scene grew into two powerful scenes. Especially the second one. (Boy is my arm hurting from all this patting myself on the back.)

I broke the 400 page mark today. Almost there. If there aren't anymore snags and my new plan works, the rest of the book should start picking up speed now. With the way I have the numbers figured, I've got about 120 some pages left to go for this draft. And man am I going to celebrate when I've finished.

Ugh

2003-01-09T19:19:00.000-08:00

It looks like the last 100 pages of this book are going to kill me. For every step forward, some new-fangled problem pops up and shoves me back. Now it looks like I'm going to have to cut a lot of the progress I made yesterday to mesh with the plotting changes I spent obsessing over today. Turns out certain key things I had in the outline were not sufficiently motivated. I think I've untangled the mess, but I'm not sure I'll know for certain until I start writing again. You know, the whole point of outlining is to avoid crap like this. It's this kind of mess that's killed several earlier projects of mine. I just wish I could work this out and finish the dang book. I'm so...damn...close.

Tomorrow we shall test drive my new plans and see if they work.

2359 Words

2003-01-08T19:20:00.000-08:00

Very happy with today's word-count. And I'm mere pages from the 400 mark, too. Only about 100 pages more to go (finally). Though there's a Big Scene coming up and I'm not sure it will work as I have it planned. I'm hoping something will come to me by the time I reach the scene. Sometimes that strategy works--don't worry about it till you get there. Sometimes I find if I just keep writing, the answer comes to me. Sometimes.

Guess we'll see.

It's good to be back to writing

2003-01-07T19:20:00.000-08:00

It's also good to be out of 20 degree weather and back to the mid 70s.

I did write a bit yesterday, but not much worth mentioning. Today I got 1545 words, though. Feels good, too. I think the scene's working. As you may have noted, I did not finish the book before the New Year. I wasn't able to get much writing done while I was out of town. But now that I'm getting back to the old routine, things should go a bit smoother. I'm going to finish this damn book before the end of the month even if it cripples me. There's really no foreseeable reason why I can't do it. But notice I added the word foreseeable in there just to be safe.

Hope everyone's writing and life is going well. Let's hear it for a new year! I'm praying 2003 is a lot better than 2002. (I'd like to forget most of 2002 even happened.)

Adios for the Holidays

2002-12-20T19:15:00.000-08:00

I leave tomorrow and won't be back in L.A. until the 5th. But I'll probably pop in here every once in a while to say hello. I'll try at least. I will be writing during the trip, so I'll try and post occasional progress on that. If all goes well, I still might finish this novel before the new year.

Hasta!

Squeezed it in

2002-12-17T19:16:00.000-08:00

Managed to squeeze in 808 words in the hour I had to write today. Time to scramble and continuing getting ready for our trip now.

Hectic Week Ahead

2002-12-16T19:16:00.000-08:00

Which means I won't be doing too many entries here. I've had to cut back on the writing time this week as well. There's lots to do before we head home this Friday. Anyway, I got 1098 words today.

1126 Words

2002-12-05T06:50:00.000-08:00

Definitely not earth-shattering, but I wrote a very important scene that I skipped over yesterday. It was a tough scene to write. This is probably the reason why I skipped it in the first place. But this morning, I sat down with my legal pad and sketched out the main elements of the scene, and that helped put it into focus. Once I sat down to write it, it flowed pretty well. And it was a short scene, so I was able to finish it off. Now I can get back to the regular flow of the book. I'm still pretty worn out by all my second-guessing, but I'm getting my strength back. I realized last night that there is nothing terribly wrong with the book. As far as first drafts go, it's pretty strong actually. But I caught myself trying to look at the Big Picture instead of taking things one step at a time. Instead of focusing on how to make the next scene work, I was worrying about future scenes I've yet to write, the book as a whole, and the revisions I'm going to have to make when the first draft is finished. This last part is always a big worry of mine, but experience tells me I can tackle those revisions when the time comes, and there's no point in worrying about revision if I don't even have a first draft completed. Duh! So now I'm going to get back to focusing on each scene as I come to it, and only that scene. It's worked so far. I also find, when I only worry about what I have to do today, tomorrow's work--and even next week's work--tends to take care of itself. One day at a time, as the saying goes. I think I can do that.

1475 Words

2002-12-04T22:56:00.000-08:00

but the self-doubt looms: I can't shake it. Rather than repeat myself in two places, this is what I had to say about my self-doubt in a post to the Breakout Novel Board:

I knew it would happen sooner or later. I'm in the thick of my middle, actually on the second half of the middle, and now things are getting wonky. I don't know if my judgment is clouded by self-doubt, or if the writing is really as out of control as it feels; somewhere in there I lost my rhythm. I'm still writing, trying to push through, but it's getting harder and harder and now every choice I make, from the structure of a scene down to each individual word, I find myself second-guessing. At the same point, my enthusiasm for the project continues to hold strong. But I've literally got this sick feeling in my stomach that I'm failing, that I've done it all wrong, that this will never be the book I want it to be, not even by half. And (the biggie) I'm convinced it will never get published.

I know. I'm obsessing. But I can't get out of this funk. I think part of it might be the forced time-off I took for Thanksgiving. I lost my stride. But I was noticing these fears, obsessions, or doubts creeping in before I took the time off.

This actually happens to me with every book I've ever written. When I first started writing this was the very point where I'd quit, thinking some other idea would work itself out better. I have loads of half-finished novels, though for the most part I've kicked the not-finishing habit. Why does this happen? Why does it seem like there's this little saboteur hiding in my subconscious, waiting for the right moment to demolish my progress and short-circuit my confidence? Is there any way to evict the bastard, or am I stuck with him? Anyone else even have a clue about what I'm talking about?

Whew! Glad I got that off my chest.

256 Words

2002-12-03T22:57:00.000-08:00

Can you stand it? I debated even bothering to post today's word-count, but figured this would be a prime example of what happens when you reach the second half of your novel and you've got to start carrying all those neat little threads you planted in the first half that weren't in the outline. Today I finished a scene (and liked how I ended it) which led me to start thinking about where I was going to take the view-point character next. I'm going to have to come up with a scene for him that I hadn't planned, but will work really well with the character. And I need to make this scene a turning point in the character's life, so it ain't going to be easy. That got me staring into space for a half-hour or so, and I burned up the rest of my writing time trying to figure out how to readjust my plot accordingly. It happens. But it's never a happy occasion to see such a low word-count as a result. Still, I'm once again excited by the book's possibilities and hope my rhythm will return soon. Like, tomorrow!

I'm back

2002-12-02T22:58:00.000-08:00

Feels like I've been gone for ages. Today I got in 1234 words on the novel. I think I have things under control again. I spent a lot of time just thinking about the plot and how to fix the things I'm unhappy with while I was away. So now it's full speed ahead once more. I want to finish this damn thing!

1235 Words

2002-11-14T19:10:00.000-08:00

Would have liked a little more, but I finished one scene and got snagged on the begining of the next scene. Spent a lot of time staring at the screen. Seems you actually have to hit the keys to make the words show up. Aw well. Better luck next time.

Very Excited

2002-11-13T19:11:00.000-08:00

Only 1088 words today because I had to do some minor reworking of my plot. I added a small scene to plant the seed for a later, major development. There was a scene I had in the planning stages I wasn't sure how I was going to pull off, but this sets it up nicely now. Also switched some things around. And in the coming scenes there's going to be some serious wreckage to my main character's life. Options closed off, stakes raised, and a friendship damaged that might not get repaired before that friend dies. I've finally reached the half-way mark, page 250, today. So this mid-point chaos I have planned is right on time. And according to a glance at the calendar, it looks like I still might finish before I leave for the Holidays. If not, I'll take it with me and have it finished before Christmas morning for sure. Well...not "for sure." You never know with these things. But it's possible. Fingers crossed.

Back In Action

2002-11-12T19:11:00.000-08:00

With 1920 words today, which is a lot more than I figured I'd get. Not that I'm complaining. Very frustrating that I had to stop too. But I ran out of time. Now I'm running a little late. It was worth it though.

Easing Back In

2002-11-11T19:11:00.000-08:00

Only 1053 words today on my first day back to the book since getting sick. I was a little rusty, but words were done. Now that I've started again, it'll be easier to keep going. Starting is always the hard part. Still haven't made up my word deficit from that big cut I did on the 6th. Soon though. And then I'll hit the half-way mark. Very cool. Let's hope for smooth sailing from then on. And maybe I can still finish this draft before I head home for the Holidays.

Reading News: Managed to get some reading done since I was laid up all weekend. Read S.L. Viehl's Shockball. Enjoyed it very much. Strangely, parts of it reminded me of Clan of the Cave Bear. (Don't laugh, Sheila.) After this installment of the Stardoc series, I was able to forgive some of Duncan Reever's seriously evil behavior in Endurance. He's lucky he's just a character in a novel, though. Sometimes I just want to deck the guy.

Also started (almost done) Jan Burke's Bones. This is a book in her Irene Kelly series, the one which happened to win her an Edgar award. Damn, this book is good. The first half of the book is so intense, you'll be gasping before you even reach the middle. And she's really good at creating characters you like so much you hate to see them get hurt. If you haven't read any of the other books in the series, don't worry, this one stands very well on its own. I've read a couple of the other Irene Kelly books, but now I'm going to have to go back and read them all. As if my TBR pile could stand getting much taller.

If you've noticed that all the books I tend to talk about here are books I like, it isn't because I like everything I read. I just see no point in wasting time bashing a book. I'm not a critic, I'm a book lover. Only critics and failed writers (often the same thing) have time to whine about books they didn't like. Here's a hint: If you don't like a book...stop reading it and pick up another one. The only person to blame for your reading a book you didn't like is you, not the author. So get a life already.

'Nuf said.

1381 Words

2002-10-12T18:47:00.000-07:00

Though it feels like it should be more. But that's an entire scene there and one I really like. Another Paul and Stephen scene. This time Paul comes both real close to conquering his anger and loosing total control. I was hoping the scene would go longer than it did, though. It seems a number of my scenes are shorter than I was aiming for. As far as page-count goes, I'm still ahead of the game, though. Guess I'll just have to finish the book and see where it stands. Only 386 more pages to hit my estimated 500 for this book. I imagine rewrites will screw with my numbers a good deal anyhow. And if it turns out it's only a 100,000 word novel instead of the planned 125k, so be it. That's still a good length.

Reading News: There hasn't been much of this because I haven't had much time to read while working on the book and dealing with Real Life. I did want to gush a minute over S.L. Viehl's Endurance. Much darker and edgier than the previous books in this series, it's almost stressful to read this one (but in a good way). I found myself cringing in parts as poor Cherijo was put through hell that's too harsh to describe here. I liked this one a lot. What's great about S.L. Viehl's StarDoc series is that each book takes Cherijo to a whole new place, and Viehl writes on a whole new level. It's rare to find an author this reliable. Crime writer Robert Crais was one of these, each of his books getting better and better, until his latest, Hostage; not terrible, but nothing compared to his previous seven or eight novels. Stephen King's had a number of let-downs (though someone who writes as much as he does is bound to produce a few stinkers). I'm told Nora Roberts is a pretty reliable writer as well. Like pizza and sex, even when the books aren't great, they're still pretty darn good. (Sorry, Mom.)

What I'm getting at is go grab an S.L. Viehl novel already. I know. I've raved about her before. Maybe now you're finally getting the hint. She's good. She's damn good.

No Writing Today

2002-10-11T18:48:00.000-07:00

Went to the doctor instead. My eye infection grew far too unbearable. I've been loosing sleep and getting headaches. It's no wonder I've hated every word I've typed since the beginning of the week. But I finally caved in, paid my $75 to see a doctor and get a prescription; paid $72.99 for a tiny bottle of prescription eye drops--you never realize how expensive this shit is until you don't have insurance. But it's done, and my eye will soon be better. It already feels a bit better since putting the first couple drops in. The plan is to make up my writing time tomorrow when I usually take Saturdays off. But only after I've slept in...of course.

Crash and Burn

2002-10-10T18:48:00.000-07:00

One of those days. Only 429 words and then I hit a wall. All this is because I messed with my outline and threw some things out of whack that I didn't see when I made the change. Not that I'm regretting the change. I think it was vital, but now I'm suffering the consequences. I have an idea how to continue, but after sitting at my desk staring into space for the last forty minutes, I'm just not up to trying to execute it today. Not to mention I didn't get much sleep last night because of an eye infection I've had for a week now that won't go away by itself and I can't afford to go to the doctor to get anything for because of that pesky lack of insurance.

Enough whining for you?

'Nuf said.

1465 Words

2002-10-09T18:49:00.000-07:00

And I've also passed the 100 page mark. I did have to drop back some a fix a glaring mistake, the kind I just can't let go, even in first draft because if I don't figure it out now, I'll remain confused for the rest of the book. Turned out I was able to fix it without too much disruption (almost had to cut over 1000 words, but saved them). All that and I still came close to 1500 words. How? I added an hour of writing time to my day. I'm experimenting with my time management, and if all goes as planned I'll have a new schedule with more writing time. With the new schedule I just might finish the first draft before Christmas, as I'd originally wanted.

1420 Words

2002-10-08T18:49:00.000-07:00

And the bloodshed's about to begin. Sorry. Couldn't resist a little drama. Anyway, I put in a little extra work today, and I'm glad for it. Things are moving again, and while I'm still disgusted by the quality of my writing, I keep reminding myself that I've got a rewrite coming which will fix it all. It has in the past, it will this time. Not to mention that my writing is often not as bad as I think it is. Sometimes it is, but often it is not.

Finally in Liam's viewpoint and just inches away from page 100. I kind of like that structurally. Page 100 will be the first "on-stage" murder and I've got some cool ideas about how it's going to go. Not according to Liam's plan of course. Just a little variable to crank up the tension (I hope).

Reconstructive Surgery

2002-10-07T18:50:00.000-07:00

No actual wordage today because I decided I had to rework my outline some. Cut a scene, moved a major scene, and had to work out some important information before I could go on with the story. There's still some things I need to know before I tackle the next scene now--which is a big and very important one I didn't think I'd be writing so soon. Hopefully I'll think up what I need before my writing time tomorrow. So, no I'm not too happy with my progress today, but keep your fingers crossed that I made the right decision in my revised plans.

1365 Words and Some Concerns

2002-10-06T18:50:00.000-07:00

I'm into the writing of this and I'm starting to worry that there isn't enough death or thrills in this thriller. But it's hard to say. I mean, I started this project with the intention of having more depth to it than the standard thriller. I won't kid myself into thinking I'm writing a "literary thriller," but I did want a slower build, deeper characters, stronger relationships, etc. All that good stuff. But I'm nearly 100 pages into this puppy, and no one has been killed "on stage." Don't get me wrong, there is conflict in the story. The characters are struggling, slowly coming alive. But I'm worried that the "thrill" element is too lacking. I know it picks up later, but is it soon enough? It all looked so simple in the outline. But things change and look a lot different when you start composing the actual prose (i.e. today, I wrote a scene in a completely different viewpoint than I'd had planned). I think I'm just going to have to trust this though. Some of the best thrillers I've read had slow, intricate builds. Not slow as in boring, but I liken it to the climb on the first hill to a roller coaster. The longer it takes to get to the top the more you worry, the more time you have to think maybe this wasn't such a great idea, and (the best part) the higher the drop will be once you get over that hill.

I hope that's the case with this book. If not, I'm looking at a seriously ugly rewrite I don't even need to think about right now.

Only About 900 Words

2002-09-27T18:39:00.000-07:00

But I'm not complaining. It went pretty well. I'm about 69 pages into the book now, and it's still rolling. No major problems yet, but the self-doubt is starting to set in, worries that everything I've written so far is crapola. But I'm not going to let myself give into that. After all, even if it is crapola, I can rewrite it. Okay. I'm off work today, so I'm going to enjoy my day. Probably revise a short story and get that in the mail next we. Now there's a goal for ya!

Sometimes the Roadmap is Wrong

2002-09-26T18:41:00.000-07:00

So I'm working on the latest scene of my novel, thinking I've go the whole scene mapped out in my head. In an experiment to see how this would work for me, I purposely tried to imagine the scene I had outlined in full. I took the one sentence from my outline and built on that all in my head, imagining how the scene would play, even getting swatches of dialogue. I spoke notes into my mini tape recorder on the way to work and on the way back last night, and even drifted off to sleep playing the scene through my head.

This morning I started writing that scene. Outside of the very beginning and some small elements throughout, the scene (done now) is nothing like how I'd planned. But, it's good, it works a lot better. Through actually writing the scene, I realized I was trying to stuff too much into one place. I needed another step in there before I could get to where I wanted to go. So now my outline must change. (Not that it hasn't already, only 64 pages into this book.) I'm splitting this scene in half and putting part 2 about two scenes down. It just works better that way.

But this just goes to show a lot of writing can only happen (for me, at least) in the actual writing. Scenes tend to take on a life of their own. Sometimes I worry that I'm being lazy. Maybe I need to outline more. But really, there are some ideas that just would not occur to me until I'm in the midst of composition. Good ideas at that. But this is probably another good reason to have an outline in the first place. You see, since these changes suggested themselves, rather than just following along, praying it would all somehow fit, I was able to glance at my outline, look ahead, and find a way to weave it into my story without disrupting anything. So, while sometimes the roadmap isn't always accurate, it still helps to glance at it once in a while to make sure you're still headed in the right direction.

Good writing day. Just shy of 1200 words. Much better than yesterday, at around 400-something. But I'd stopped on purpose at the end of a scene, so I could do my little experiment with the next scene. I'm glad I did try that experiment. Though it worked nothing like I thought it would, it has told me a lot about how the writing process works for me. So now I know, and as G.I. Joe used to say, "Knowing is half the battle."

'Nuf said.

Yowsa! 1400 Words

2002-09-24T18:42:00.000-07:00

Got into the bulk of my first big scene. I've been struggling with this scene for the past few days. It's a long scene. I'll probably do some heavy editing on it. I really had to struggle through some junk to get to the goods. But I got there, so I'm happy. Now I can cut the junk. Yesterday...I only got about 800 or so words, so today makes up for that nicely. These are pretty good numbers, I think, considering I can only fit about an hour of writing in a day.

1175 Words and a Plan

2002-09-21T08:55:00.000-07:00

Nice little writing day. I know. Saturday is supposed to be my day off, but I'm flipping Saturday with Sunday this week. Today's writing went well enough. Came up with an unplanned little scene that I hope will add resonance as well as give the reader a chance to see Paul's thoughts about the thing with Stephen the night before.

I've come up with a plan for writing this novel, as I've come to terms with the fact that my schedule will not allow me to finish before Christmas like I'd hoped. This plan is based on my writing six days a week, with about an hour or so a day during the five weekdays, and one open ended day on the weekend. My daily goal is 1000 words. That's my average for an hour of writing, so it should work out okay. But we all know how averages go. That's why I've also added a weekly goal of 6000 words. Anyone who's at all competent with math might wonder on the redundancy of my weekly goal, but let me explain. This means if I only manage to write 900 words each day of the week in my hour-a-day, I can pick up the change on my open ended weekend day. So in this case, on Sunday I'd write 1500 words, thus bringing my weekly total to 6000. Neat, huh? You see, my problem isn't one of getting the work done, but of having the time to do as much of the work as I would like. Granted, if I miss three days during the week, I'm not going to write 4000 words on Sunday. (I might, but I wouldn't feel I had to.) These are just rough goals to keep things steady. Which is good enough for me. This is only writing after all, not world peace negotiations.

At the same point, if I have a good week, I might be able to use my Sunday to work on rewrites of short stories and get some of those sent out. Pretty cool, eh?

959 Words

2002-09-20T08:55:00.000-07:00

I thought I had more than that, but I guess not. Still, I wrapped up the Stephen scene and I really like what I got. Stephen's really waking up as a character for me. His scene just flowed. Unlike the Charlie/Quint scene, which pretty much sucks rocks.

Okay, there's this thing at the end of the Stephen scene that I think is pretty cool and says a lot about Stephen's relationship with his father without saying anything about it directly. So I'm going to post a snippet. Enjoy:

Dad swung the door shut hard enough to shake the house. Stephen could feel the vibrations in his feet.

"You won't listen to anything I say," Dad shouted, voice grating and wet. When he turned to face Stephen, Stephen could see the red edges of his father's eyes, the reflective glaze coating them.

Stephen had never seen his father like this. And what was this? This couldn't possibly be all because Stephen snuck out at night, could it?

Dad strode toward Stephen. Again his hands formed fists at his side, just like earlier that day. This would be the time. This would be the day his dad finally stopped breaking everything around Stephen and strike Stephen instead.

But Dad passed Stephen, didn't stop until he reached the stairs. Back to Stephen, he said, "Do whatever you want, Stephen. If that's what you want, if you want to risk your whole life for a few early thrills, obviously nothing I can do will stop you."

Stephen grit his teeth. This speech again. The guy just didn't get it, did he? How could he, though? Stephen himself didn't get it.

The urge to break something came over Stephen. Just like Dad. That thought only fed the urge. The taste of blood filled his mouth. He realized he had bitten into the inside of his cheek. Pain cried through one whole side of his face, but he didn't loosen his jaw, would have bit harder if he could.

"I hate you," Stephen said through his clenched teeth, and could feel the blood dribble on his lips.

"Fine," his dad said, still not facing him, unable to see the blood on his son's mouth. He climbed the stairs, never turning to look at Stephen.

Stephen dragged his wrist over his mouth, smearing blood over the back of his hand. Crying, he went into the kitchen and rinsed his mouth in the sink. While he rinsed he thought he heard his dad come back down the stairs, but when he turned to look, his father was not there.

Shaping Up

2002-09-19T08:55:00.000-07:00

Today's a better day, but that might just be because it's my day off from work. But the writing went well. I got 1166 words done on Stephen's first view-point scene and I like what I've got. I'm having an easier time getting into his head than I thought I would, but realized once I started writing, that he and I have a lot of shared interests, so that helps.

In regard to yesterday's entry, I was really angry because of some personal problems. I don't know what's going to happen, but things were a little better today. But it isn't the day-by-day I'm worried about. It's the long-term scheme of things.

Anyway, this blog is officially back on topic. No more intrusions from Real Life.

Not Much Writing

2002-09-18T08:56:00.000-07:00

Not sure of the word-count, but it couldn't have been much. Between 400-500. I dunno. I spent the second half of my writing hour sketching out what I need to do in the next scene. I hate having to start a new scene in the middle of my writing time. Always seems to trip me up. Anyway, I'm pretty sure I know how to tackle the scene, so I should have no problems tomorrow. Assuming I can get to it tomorrow. I'm behind on some things. I also have a scary feeling that my life is about to explode and get really, really ugly. I may be facing one of the worst periods of my life to date...and just when things started looking up.

It isn't going to stop my writing, though. I won't let it.

And there's that small chance things may work themselves out.

Another Almost 1000 Words

2002-09-17T08:59:00.000-07:00

Only about 930, but that's okay. Since I only have time for an hour of writing a day, I think that's a pretty good average. I'm writing the scene that introduces Quint. I'm not sure how I feel about it yet. But Quint is something of a snot, and that's just how I wanted it.

997 Words

2002-09-16T08:59:00.000-07:00

These on the novel. Very happy with the scene I wrote today. One I hadn't planned in the outline but realized I needed for things to make sense. Scene introduces Paul's son, Stephen, and there's a nice little argument between them. Plus, a neat little thing about the clothes Stephen's wearing to foreshadow what he's up to and where he goes.

I'm messing with my schedule a bit. Now it's time for me to go for a walk/run. I bumped up my writing time to accommodate this. Hopefully it works. I need exercise.

Scene Revised and Posted

2002-09-15T09:00:00.000-07:00

Baring only passing resemblance to the original. Some significant reworking of the first 3/4 or so of the scene, but it's much better than it was. Not sure if it's as good as I'd like, but it could be worse. We'll see what my classmates think.

By the way...I don't believe I've mentioned it before, but I recently joined the ranks of the fine moderators over at Forward Motion Writer's Community. My primary board is the Mystery & Suspense Board. You should come take a look. I'm very excited to have this opportunity to help other aspiring writers achive their writing goals.

Back to Work

2002-09-15T08:01:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my day off, and it was pretty rough. I have to finish revising my novel's first scene and post it today. I hope I can salvage this thing. Part of me thinks I can. A good sign, perhaps.

I'm also itching to do another revision on My Brother's Keeper after getting an excellent and really helpful critique that illuminated the faults I sensed but just couldn't see.

Meanwhile, my short story Caged remains to be revised, and an untitled short percolates in my mind and could be ready to write any day now. Just goes to show that work begets more work when it comes to writing. The more I write, the more ideas I get, the more I have to write. The more I want to write, too.

I also think I know how to revise an old SF story that made the rounds and got rejected. So I'd like to get to that sometime too. It would be nice to sell a few shorts; I could use the encouragement.

Literature Break

2002-09-07T19:21:00.000-07:00

It was one of those days where I'd said I would take it off, but woke up this morning wanting to finish off that short story (it's so close to done). However, I did this and that and the other thing and ended up not writing after all. I'll finish the story tomorrow, and if I'm real good, maybe I can still to my revision of My Brother's Keeper and send that off sometime next week. Wow, something in the mail? That reminds me that I have to tweak my query for Crystal Past, find a new title for the book, and start sending it to publishers now. I'm also supposed to fit some exercise in there somewhere. Hey! Who's giggling? Oh. That was me. Ahem.

I'm just about done reading Bruce Holland Rogers' book Word Work. If you're writing, you should read this book. His perspective is fresh, his essays inspiring, and the way it's written, I feel like I had the guy over for dinner. You hear reviews like that all the time, claiming how the author's tone made you feel like they were right there, but this is the first time I ever felt that way. After reading his book I just want to hang out with the guy, ya know? And Eugene, Oregon sounds like a really neat place to live.

I'm also contemplating posting an old short story on Forward Motion for some crits. (This might be biting off more than I can chew.) It's a story I really like but got a few rejections; I want to know what's wrong with it. It's a SF story with a romantic theme and a sad but hopeful ending. I don't write much SF anymore, but I'd really like to see this piece find an audience. It's also one of the first pieces of fiction I wrote here in California when I was living down in Redondo. Maybe it's too sentimental. I dunno. I'll let you know what happens.

'Nuf said.

1500 words and almost done

2002-09-06T19:21:00.000-07:00

Got a late start with the writing today, but still managed to get 1500 words. Or course, I thought this story would be done almost ten pages ago, but like many of my stories, it keeps rolling. Though the end is in sight. I also managed to work my main character out of his predicament. Now it's time for my neato dénouement that, hopefully, will add resonance to this story. I do anticipate a healthy amount of revision on this one. But I still think I like it.

1300 words in an hour

2002-09-05T19:22:00.000-07:00

I decided today, due to the roof of my life caving in (once again) that I'd have to scale back my writing time to an hour a day, instead of the two to three I've been doing. This might only be temporary, especially since I'd really like to get in a sold 2 hours when working on the novel, but there's so many things I have to take care of, I need the extra time. The good news is, I can still manage to be pretty productive in that time. I wrote the bulk of my last novel in one hour every morning at 5 AM, before trucking off to the day job. It worked well enough. I seem to average about 1000 words an hour (if I know what I'm doing). This doesn't always happen, of course. But my schedule is also flexible enough that if I don't hit 1000 words, I can hang in a little longer to get there. Any less than 1000 words a day gets very frustrating for me. Happily, today I managed 1300 words in my hour. From there I went to the dreaded checkbook to find out why there's a $70 discrepancy between what I calculate I have and what the bank says I have. (Incase you haven't guessed, that's $70 in the bank's favor, not mine.) Just one more bump in the road. At least I'm writing every day.

Short story is still plugging along. Still not sure what to think of it. I may have, perhaps, "picked this one too green," as Damon Knight would say. The problem? I have yet to figure out how my main character is going to get out of his predicament. I knew I should have thought of that before starting, but I was so anxious to hop into another story. Oh, well...I'll figure something out.

About 1500 words today

2002-09-04T19:22:00.000-07:00

Finished off another chunk of BN homework, which leaves me now to write the first scene of the novel. Probably start work on that this weekend. In the meantime, I've picked up that short story I started at the cabin and wrote another 1200 words on it. I'm still not sure it's all that great, but I'm not worried. I see it more as a literary experiment than anything else. I'm using a frame story (something I don't think I've ever done) with this piece. It's a little awkward, but if it comes out the way I envisioned, the story as a whole will be stronger with the frame. Without it the conflict becomes rather one dimensional. Can't have that!

Reading News: Only that I'm reading a book I was assigned in high school but never finished: Charles Dickens A Tale of Two Cities. Thoughts so far: I like it and should have read A Tale of Two Cities when assigned, though I probably wouldn't have appreciated Charles Dickens as much. Then again, I probably would have. I've just always had an aversion to someone telling me what to read. I much prefer to pick things up on my own, when I want to. I also imagine we would have ripped the thing apart instead of enjoying it, so...

Blogger Down; Lost in the Mountains

2002-09-02T19:28:00.000-07:00

Well, it seems blogger didn't want to publish a post I'd written several days ago, but it looks like things are working again. I haven't blogged all weekend because I was up in Big Bear at a friend's cabin. We had a nice time--lots of walking, lounging, and eating. We did get a little lost on one of our hikes when we left the trail. Ooops. But we managed to find our way back before it got too scary. And no run ins with coyotes or mountain lions, just a lot of rock climbing and scanning a horizon that looked pretty much the same in all directions. You know? Fun!

Even wrote a bit. Started a short story I'd been kicking around in my head. Not sure what I think yet, but experience has taught me not to make any judgments yet. This story features characters from my last novel.

Oh, yeah. I have another article in Vision, so you better go take a look http://fmwriters.com/Visionback/Issue%2011/Genmystery.htm.

Enjoy!

Another Shitty First Draft

2002-08-22T18:58:00.000-07:00

coming right up. Managed just shy of 1400 words on my short story today. It's not going very well. It's growing a lot bigger than I wanted it to, which always seems to happen when I write short stories. But this one is very dependent on events that happened five years before the story started, so I'm slipping back and forth in time and that's eating up wordage. Most of it I'll have to seriously trim when it comes time to revise. I could easily see this story at novel length, but it's not a story I'm interested enough in to spend that kind of time with. And I'm already working on a novel, thank you very much.

I'm afraid I might end up killing this one before it's done. Maybe try to tackle it from a different angle. Right now it just feels like it's rambling. There's more exposition than scene, and the one scene I do have is mostly lame. Back to drawing board? I'll have to think about it.

Long Time No Shorts

2002-08-20T18:58:00.000-07:00

This goes both for writing and my attire. Here it is, mid-August and for the past four or five days it's been nothing but gray skies and chilly gloom. Did I happen to mention I live in "Sunny" California. So I haven't worn shorts in a while. But that's not really what I wanted to write about. Today I plan to start work on that short story idea I've been kicking around. Got a little outline for it and I'm hoping to get at least 1000 words done on it today. Maybe more if I'm lucky, but I have lots of errands to run and all that.

Tonight is BN class and I'm excited. Looking forward to moving forward with the book. I like my outline; I like my characters. I figure I should keep running with this before the self-doubt catches up to me. Almost did the other day, but I've recovered since.

All right, it's off to work on the short. It's been some time since I wrote a short story. I was never very good at the form. Maybe I can nail it this time.

Another One Down

2002-08-19T18:59:00.000-07:00

Finished my article today. I'd outlined it last night after finishing my plotting. This morning I sat down and it just flew. It's about 1500 words and only required a bit of revision...unlike the last Vision article I did with a final draft that bears only passing resemblance to the first draft. It was nice to do actual writing. Nice to know I can still do it. And though I never had much interest in non-fiction before, I really like writing articles for Vision.

Reading News: I had to stop reading T. Jefferson Parker's Where Serpents Lie to finishing my plotting, and right when it was getting good. It's a chilling thriller with a flawed and interesting main character. Definately top notch work. Thought at times the MC's first-person interior monologues can get a bit windy. But the story really cranks into high gear and the prose is smooth. Now I just need some time to finish it! Next on my reading list: Holly Lisle's Memory of Fire. Very excited about this. After that I'll probably read the next two books in S.L. Veihl's Stardoc series. I have got to know what happens after that nasty cliffhanger at the end of Beyond Varallan.

Plot, Plot, Plot

2002-08-18T18:59:00.001-07:00

Almost sounds like a plane running out of gas, doesn't it. Which is how I felt while working on my plot last night. Man, I had things working out until I realized I'd mixed up a couple of important scenes, thinking they were the same, and thus watched my structure crumble. I spent the rest of the night trying to figure out how to rebuild, but kept getting scrambled by my own thoughts.

After sleeping on the problem, this morning I tediously picked through what I had and after about a decade, finally figured out a way to fix things. Now I'm about halfway done and a lot has shifted since starting. I've already thrown out a number of scenes that make no sense and have a feeling I'll chuck quite a few more before the day's done. This means creating a cache of new scenes. But maybe it won't be so bad. I must finish this today, and Beth wants to get out of the house today, too. Which sounds like a great idea, but between my cough (slowly going away, finally) and my plotting, I'm not so sure we'll make it. Let us not forget that I still have an article to write. Looks like that's work for tomorrow.

Damn good thing I enjoy writing.

Done-Diddy-Done

2002-08-18T18:59:00.000-07:00

At last, I have finished my plot outline. Oy, was that ever a pain in the arse. But I really like what I got. Had to work for it, but I like it. Somehow it all came together. Next job: Finish article!

'Nuf said.

Made it through

2002-08-09T18:33:00.000-07:00

Survived the character development stage. For a minute there I didn't think I would. Now we're on to plotting, and this, to me, is the fun part. Of course, I say that now before I've even gotten started. One thing though, the more I work on this book the more I can see the depths and possibilities of it. Class last night really got me charged.

Reading News

2002-08-09T18:31:00.000-07:00

On Tuesday I picked up my signed first edition of Lawrence Block's Enough Rope. This is a collection of pretty much all his short stories in one place. The thing is huge, nearly 900 pages, and nicely organized. There are 9 Matthew Scudder stories in it and I think I've only read one or two, so needless to say I'm totally stoked. I've been pondering some short fiction of my own (an ailment I occasionally come down with like a winter cold). I even have a pretty solid, fleshed idea of one that I'm going to tinker with this morning. (I know, insane considering all the work I have to do for the novel, but I can't resist.) So it'll be nice to read through some stories in the Block collection for inspiration.

Oh, and if you're wondering how I got a signed copy, Mr. Block, though not touring for this book's release, when to the publisher's warehouse to sign copies and send to certain specialty mystery bookstores across the country. Lucky for me, The Mystery Bookstore in Westwood is a frequent host of Block's when he's in Los Angeles and was on the list to receive signed copies. I love The Mystery Bookstore.

I've been glowing since Tuesday. The only setback is I'm already in the middle of reading two books while trying to write my own and time is scarce. And school starts up again in a matter of weeks. Will I ever get to read Enough Rope? Tune in next week to find out! Same bat time...Ah, you know the routine.

Good stuff!

2002-08-02T08:49:00.000-07:00

I finished the second of my two character bios for class today. The antagonist's. Personally, I think it rocks, even if I do say so myself. I really got a sense of the character and he isn't pure evil. He's just lived an F-ed up life. Frankly, his father came across as more evil than he did.

This novel is really fleshing out and I love what I've got so far. I feel really good about this one. Almost too confident for my own good. But when the writing feels good, so does everything else. This whole working nights thing is great. It's nice to be able to start my day off with a good stint at the keyboard (and not have to wake up at 4am to do it) before dragging myself off to the day...er...night job.

First Bio Done

2002-08-01T08:51:00.000-07:00

And that was a little harder than I thought, but I'm happy with what I turned out. Only one more to go then I'll be spending the weekend filling out the character chart. Of course, we're supposed to stay with friends this weekend, so I might not have as much time as I'd like. I thought I'd try to get a start on the other bio tonight, but my ass and back are aching. I have a really crummy chair and no money to buy a better one.

I'll take a rest and see if I can at least start after dinner.

Character Bios

2002-07-30T08:51:00.000-07:00

I'm prepping myself to do my character bios for the class and I'm a little nervous about this. I mean, it's one thing to crank out a bio for yourself when you're working on a novel, trying to get into a character's head. I've done this many times before. But usually they're very rough and more for getting the juices flowing rather than a pretty document to refer to later. But for class we have to post these things. Two characters, 1000 words each. That means they have to be less rough and even a little pretty. And knowing myself, anything I hash out now about my characters will change when I start writing.

Other News: Just joined Team Forward Motion on Project Dolphin. Very weird little thing, but I figured since I will be typing a lot, I might as well do my part to help. Let's rack these keystrokes up, baby!

Book Talk: So lately I've been suffering from book boredom. Seems like every book I pick up just doesn't grab me. Though I've been picking through Mindhunter, about the guy who pretty much started criminal profiling as a regular practice, I'm really never happy unless I'm reading a good novel. I started and stopped a few, not necessarily because they were bad, but I just couldn't get into them. I was in a funk, not quite sure what I wanted to read. So I took a trip to my local Borders, figuring I'd pick up a thriller by an author I hadn't tried yet, something so nail-biting I wouldn't be able to put it down. Instead, I found myself in the science fiction section (which happens only rarely these days) eyeing S.L. Viehl's sequel to her most enjoyable Stardoc, titled Beyond Varallan. What the hell, I thought, and picked it up.

I'm so glad I did.

Since starting this novel, what I've come to call my "reader's block" has ended. I'm tearing through it and loving it even more than the first one. (How often does a sequel do that?) What is it about Viehl's novels that just suck you in? She just knows how to tell a story. I think that's the bottom line. She writes the kind of books that make you want to get through your day already so you can curl up in bed and read. She's also the kind of writer that reminds me of why I signed up for this writing gig myself. I want to have that same affect on someone, to pull them so deeply into my story it's all they can do to tear their eyes off the page. And though I don't write SF, I am positive there's a lot to be learned by reading Viehl's work. If you're a writer (or anyone hungry for a damn good book) I'd suggest picking up anything or everything by S.L. (Sheila) Viehl, who also writes romances under the name Gena Hale. If I had the money I'd go out right now and buy the rest of the Stardoc series.

Happy reading! Happy writing!

'Nuf said.

Getting Ready to Rumble

2002-07-28T08:52:00.000-07:00

Things have picked up in Holly's class and she body slammed us with a ton of homework. But this is good. We're getting into the meat of our stories now. This also means I'm at another crossroads in developing this story. The question of the "love interest." Should I develop one or not. I've envisioned it both ways. My gut tells me it'll only detract from the MC's relationship with his son. But I won't want the story to feel empty or n too narrowly plotted. I do need some more characters and I need to decide if one of them is going to have an attraction to Paul. But Paul's already working really hard to forge his relationship with his son. Any more relationshipping might be overlead. Yeah. Think I've just made my decision on that. But this doesn't mean another pair of characters can't fall in love. Hmmm.

I need some characters with subplot potential, some more viewpoints. Lucky for me I dropped the twist ending and can now use the son as a viewpoint. Maybe he gets a subplot? Perhaps, if I attend the Breakout Clinic today I can brainstorm with classmates and find some characters that work.

Killing People for Fun and Profit

2002-07-26T11:49:00.000-07:00

Do you like mystery stories? Ever thought about crafting a "whodunnit" yourself? Then why the heck haven't you checked out my article about plotting a mystery in Holly Lisle's Vision E-Zine? Oh. You didn't know I had a mystery-writing article? Okay...go check it out:

Get a Clue: Using Clues to Map Your Mystery http://fmwriters.com/Visionback/Issue10/genremystery.htm

Check out the rest of the 'zine while you're at it. And there's back issues too.

Open Wide

2002-07-25T09:02:00.000-07:00

No, this post isn't about dentistry. It's about exposing yourself like a Times Square flasher when you're a writer. I made a similar post on the now defunct version of Rob's Writing Pains. This will probably be an ongoing theme as I work on the latest WIP since I'm forced to post work on the class board over at Holly's site. What part of me did I bear this time? My twist ending I talked about in the last post. I rewrote my premise for the class and included it, along with the increased stakes and all that. Though Beth said she loved the idea for the ending, I'm not sure how anyone else will react. I mean, as honest as Beth tries to be, she's still on my side and tends to think a lot the same way as I do. We do live together after all.

Anyway, I could have played it safe, held onto my idea for the ending, maybe even left it out completely. But playing it safe isn't what writing's about. You can't always be afraid that your ideas suck. Maybe some of them do. So what? You have to get through the suck to get to the gold. On average I have sucky ideas. But inevitably they lead to better ones. And I consider myself good at coming up with ideas. Still, this is one of those leaps of faith, where you think you know what you've got is good, but you're afraid to put it out there because it isn't what's expected, it isn't the standard progression, it isn't safe.

I guess, I've had such a good response to this project so far, I'm afraid with this, everyone will see me for the fraud I am. I don't pretend I'm the only writer who feels this way. I've heard this story told a hundred times. Why is it many of us writers must constantly live with this kind of fear? Perhaps the self-doubt is what drives us to improve. Nothing is ever good enough. But eventually -- and this has been my problem for years now -- you have to decide it is good enough and let it out for others to see. You can't make all the judgments. No writer is so good, so objective, that he knows when he's written a perfect story (if there is such a thing). That's why there's critics to jump on a writer every time he slips. Or why some of us use crit groups or show our stuff to our significant others.

It doesn't change the fact that I'm afraid of what they'll think of my idea. It doesn't sate the dread over going to the class board and seeing what's been said. I'm just trying to take comfort in knowing I'm not alone. And if you thought, having these same feelings, you were alone...now you know better.

'Nuf said.

Just an update

2002-07-23T11:56:00.000-07:00

Not much new in the Realm of Rob. It's too early to think. I'm trying to make some decisions about my WIP. I've got what could be a cool twist toward the end. I've been thinking about using it, but it'll take some literary dancing to pull it off and at the same time cuts off an entire possible viewpoint. At the same point, not getting into this particular character's head might in fact add to the sense of his impenetrability. My main character, this boy's father, has a broken relationship with his son, crippled even more so by the father's own self-doubts. And the kid's "delinquent" behavior is something of a mystery to his father. By staying out of the kid's VP, I could make his behavior a mystery to the reader as well. Which will only crank up the shock when I drop the bomb at the end.

I think I've already made up my mind. But if I don't have the kid's VP to work with, I need a couple more characters whose VP I can get into. Right now I have a decent number of nameless, faceless supporting roles that are automatic to the story. So I'll either have to flesh a couple of those out, or make up someone new. For now, I think I'll try both and see what happens.

'Nuf said

My New Blog

2002-07-22T11:57:00.000-07:00

Due to some personal reasons and general boredom, I've started this new blog that's basically much like the last one, only different. At this posting the template is still very new and will undergo changes until I'm happy. So please forgive my blog's ugliness at the moment.

If you're looking for the old Rob's Writing Pains (and I can't imagine why you would be) I'm not at this time revealing its location. But I assure you, it still exists...for now. In any event, welcome to my new blog.